co·pa·cet·ic

He did not finish, for two powerful hands grasped him by the neck and the same two horrible voices growled threateningly: "Now we have you!"

The Marionette, seeing death dancing before him, trembled so hard that the joints of his legs rattled and the coins tinkled under his tongue.

"Well," the Assassins asked, "will you open your mouth now or not? Ah! You do not answer? Very well, this time you shall open it."

Taking out two long, sharp knives, they struck two heavy blows on the Marionette's back.

Happily for him, Pinocchio was made of very hard wood and the knives broke into a thousand pieces. The Assassins looked at each other in dismay, holding the handles of the knives in their hands.

"I understand," said one of them to the other, "there is nothing left to do now but to hang him."

"To hang him," repeated the other.

They tied Pinocchio's hands behind his shoulders and slipped the noose around his neck. Throwing the rope over the high limb of a giant oak tree, they pulled till the poor Marionette hung far up in space.

Satisfied with their work, they sat on the grass waiting for Pinocchio to give his last gasp. But after three hours the Marionette's eyes were still open, his mouth still shut and his legs kicked harder than ever.

Tired of waiting, the Assassins called to him mockingly: "Good-by till tomorrow. When we return in the morning, we hope you'll be polite enough to let us find you dead and gone and with your mouth wide open." With these words they went.

A few minutes went by and then a wild wind started to blow. As it shrieked and moaned, the poor little sufferer was blown to and fro like the hammer of a bell. The rocking made him seasick and the noose, becoming tighter and tighter, choked him. Little by little a film covered his eyes.

Death was creeping nearer and nearer, and the Marionette still hoped for some good soul to come to his rescue, but no one appeared. As he was about to die, he thought of his poor old father, and hardly conscious of what he was saying, murmured to himself:

"Oh, Father, dear Father! If you were only here!"

These were his last words. He closed his eyes, opened his mouth, stretched out his legs, and hung there, as if he were dead.

-Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio, 1883

Damn you Disney.

So I've been working out this past week doing sit-ups and push-ups and stuff and I ran 2 miles on Wednesday. There's no real reason other than a sudden interest in my health and staying fit. I'm just going to keep running and swimming. I noticed my whole mood in general has been really good since I started, so why not? I haven't been to the gym here yet but everyone says its really nice, I might check it out soon.

My friend Sheehan asked me to be an extra in this webisodic series he is doing called The Odyssey-Years. It's supposed to be about those years between adolescence and adulthood most of us are either experiencing or entering. It was pretty cool, all I did was play basketball in a "weekly" game but the part may lead to more as we are recurring friends of the cast. Good thing I've been exercising, it was exhausting playing for 2 hours straight. I was really excited because I sunk a couple of shots including two 3's on camera! Hopefully they get edited in.

http://www.odyssey-years.com/
The site isn't operational yet but I saw the root files yesterday and it looks great. Hopefully sometime around early March. I'll let you guys know.

I found this while just browsing around and it's fucking crazy. Imagine wearing that thing out and around while it slowly filled up with your own blood.

Blood Scarf depicts a scarf knit out of clear vinyl tubing. An intravenous device emerging out of the user's hand fills the scarf with blood. The implied narrative is a paradoxical one in which the device keeps the user warm with their blood while at the same time draining their blood drip by drip.

I've been really busy with projects I'm working on and stuff and I haven't been getting much sleep. Lots of editing and flash/photoshop stuff that take a lot of time. I've been writing a bunch of little weird sketches that my friend Oren and I enjoy and hopefully we'll be able to film some of our stuff soon. We're both pretty big fans of Stella so it's kind of similar in style I guess.

I just finished some French homework and I'm going to sleep because it's late.

There is a certain taste for the unnatural in those of us tired of the norm. The monotonous day to day is not for everyone, but the norms hate change. They hate what is different, and not being able to function in their system is different. For these few people, there is a certain desire for anarchy and entropy that would bring chaos and uncertainty to the majority. Sam liked to have a plan. Plans were good for getting you where you were going, but in Sam's case she didn't know where she was going.
Even the best-laid plans are those of mice and men.

I seriously hate my dogs sometimes. Norse knocked over the chair and baby-gate guarding the kitchen entrance and took a piss and shit in my house. Fucking me in the ass every chance they get, I swear to god.

I'm at UCLA right now and I'm just typing away here at Bilotti's computer. We went through a dry-run of where I'm going on the campus because it's so big! Anyways, my interviews at 3 and I'm so nervous. In the next few hours I have to iron my clothes, shower, eat, and review the writing I sent in. I'm freaking out I'm so nervous!

I'm so tired of pretending, I can't do it anymore.

I'm a fucking terrible cook. I mean I can't do anything right in the kitchen. I think it takes me 30 minutes just to boil water. When people ask, they're always like "Oh I bet you just make a lot of pasta and stuff right?" I nod my head but really it's more that you've got it all wrong. My pasta is worse than middle school cafeteria pasta. I seriously need help, when I go to the store I'm that guy who looks completely lost and is kind of staring at the yogurt for 20 minutes. I don't know if I'm terrible at all of it though; my hamburger helper always manages to come out top notch.

What I need now are ideas of what to make. I'm just tired of those goddamn pre-made "kill you in 10 years" kinds of meals at the store. I don't know what to make and so I don't know what to get from the store and then I'm stuck heating a frozen CPK in my oven. I mean you'd think I'd have learned something from the Food network being on 24/7. What are your guys' favorite home dinner foods or recipes? Any help is appreciated... I'm looking over Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals and Emeril's site as I write this...

Today in the machining lab I cut myself for the first time this quarter. Out of all of the equipment there is available to damage yourself on (the mill, the lathe, the steel grinder, the aluminum sander, the band saw, the drill press, the cnc mill) I go and slice my finger open with a caliper. So uncool. The cut bled a lot all over the mill though, so the gruesomeness made up for the wimpy way it happened. It still stings a little.

Also, while walking to Julian's cafe from the lab I remembered this forgotten memory. It was from when I used to go to my friend Landon's house when I was little. I remember going into his parents bedroom with him and he pulled out his dad's gun from the closet. I know this sounds like it's straight from a scene in a movie but honestly I completely remember it. I called my mom to make sure and she confirmed that I came home one day and told her that we played with it. She said she called Landon's mom right after and I was never allowed back over there. I must've repressed it or something. Crazy huh?

I ran into my old math teacher and he told me that instead of telling girls that they're one in a million, I should say "you're several standard deviations above the mean."

My neighbors have been gone for almost a week and as I was coming home from Costco today I saw the girl who was taking care of their stuff. I said "hi" and I guess this invited that I was nice and trustworthy because she didn't bother to hide where she went to get the key. Taped behind the storm drain. I'm thinking about robbing them. They have a lot of cool stuff; flat-panel tv, nice stereo, computer...

Just curious, does this make me a bad person or resourceful?

I think the last few days have been really bad days. I got locked out of my apartment for like 3 hours on Friday night and it was freezing. I had my iPod though so I ended up sitting on my roof listening to music. I also happen to have great friends who don't pick me up for another 2 hours after I call them.

Last night on the way home from a party my car just died. It ran out of gas and all my power shutdown. It totally sucked because I'm pretty sure if I had to be tested I would've blown a number. I had to walk a mile back home and it was about 34 degrees outside. So today I had to go to my car and refill it with a gas can. I accidentally spilled all over myself so now I smell like gasoline, even after my shower.

It's just been a crappy few days that I would like to not think about anymore.

Hey I'm exhausted. Study enough for my midterm tomorrow at 9? You bet I didn't. Most of it could possibly be common-sensical type of things though, so fucking pray for me. This week will be rough but I feel like I'll be up for it.

Just received humongous news earlier tonight. My sister is getting engaged to her boyfriend of 7 months (to the day). This all feels so fast to me. I'm completely happy for them and offer all the congratulations in the world, but it's too weird right now. Jesus fucking christ this is short notice! I hardly know the guy. He also asked me to stand up with him. I can't think of much else right now... I'll blame that on why I'm not studying.

I sent my application to UCLA's film school on Wednesday last week. Paid $15 just to have it delivered on time. That feels like a ridiculous sum seeing as how I'm not working right now. I'll beg for my job back tomorrow (or today, Monday). I really can't describe how badly I want to get in, I don't know what I'll do otherwise. I hate to say it, but I'm banking completely off of this. Their decision is what's going to direct my next course of action. I hate feeling so helpless about my future.

Watched some of the SAG awards earlier tonight and I am SO glad that The Office won best comedy ensemble. Fuck Ugly Betty. I've watched it, it's okay, but nowhere near the genius that The Office is.

Pan's Labyrinth is next for me on the movie list. It's been getting such great reviews that I hope it lives up to my expectation.

I'm ridiculously lonely. I miss when there used to be girls here. Joining a pottery club is becoming more fucking appealing by the second.

I just saw Children of Men and it was fucking fantastic!

Highly recommended to everyone.

I've been writing a lot lately, partly for my supplemental application and partly because I've been down and out. It's harder to write because I'm judging a lot more harshly thanks to Adam, but I feel like I've grown a lot better and hopefully I can only go up.

As of now New Years plans are not set in stone. I had lots of choices: South Lake (which was my first choice), Davis, and Chico. South Lake fell through and Chico just feels to far. So it's probably Davis. I'd really like to find something fun in-town though, so if anyone else has good plans, please let me know!

I still feel like there's a lot more people I'd like to see before this winter break is over. A lot more time with the people I already have seen as well. I'm not wholly satisfied yet.

Here's to love ferns.

Popscene tonight? That certainly is a question.

By one of my favorite artists, Trevor Brown. Enjoy.

The holidays are fucking depressing as hell. Anyone who argues different is a an ass. End alienation.

The greatest moment in life is the moment before. The moment before the actual moment is filled with hope and expectation. Reality can never match your imagination or dreams. That's the most important thing that I know.

My next, and last, final will be on Friday. It's definitely going to be my hardest as it's my calc. I've been studying but still fear for the worst. I've gotten to the point where I almost don't care anymore, so much as it's over. On one hand Friday can't get here soon enough. On the other, I know I'm not ready. It's a deadly combination that has created a sort of limbo, where I have enough time to procrastinate and feel as if I've got all the time in the world and also realize I really don't have enough time at all.

I haven't smoked in a week and I really want a cigarette.

Something awful happened to me the other night. It affected me really deeply, even though I joke about it now. It still hurts a lot to think about, but I think after this weekend it'll finally come to it's climax and end. When it's finally over I feel like I'll be able to breathe again. I hate the word closure, but it's a fucking prime word for this.

1. You're Infected. Your Top 8 has the cure. One must die, who?
david. he's led a fulfilling life. you will be missed brotha. lol.

2. What Myspace friend knows the REAL you best?
justin, jacques, hanna, kyle

3. Explain a typical Monday for you.
wake up late, quick shower before class, 20 minutes of zoning out on the bus, anthro at 10:10 but arrive at 10:14, bus back home at 12, neglected math till 2:36 bus, math class at 3, bus back home at 4, putz around on tv/computer, drive to work at 5:20, late arrival to work at 5:32, telemarket, drive home at 9, continue watching tv or computer, cigarette at 1, sleep.

4. Any odd routines you follow when you wake up?
i walk around in my underwear for 20 minutes?

5. If alcohol was banned worldwide, what would your reaction be?
prohibition didn't work in the 20's, why should it now?

6. When was the last time you cried?
i don't remember. it's been years.

7. Your CD collection is going to be reposessed. You may keep one, what do you choose?
minus the bear or silversun pickups. i'd flip a coin.

8. Do you believe world peace is possible?
no. first, everyone would get really really bored. second, what would the news report on?

9. I'm a genie. Name your wish (Money and Love cannot be granted).
to be a good writer.

10. Name one thing about the OPPOSITE sex that automatically turns you off.
unintelligence. the attitude of self-entitlement. over dramatic. (in that order)

11. Name one thing about the SAME sex that automatically turns you off.
unintelligence. (BROS)

12. Speaking of SAME sex, what do you think of Brokeback Mountain?
it was a good movie but tried to hard to provoke a reaction.

13. What popular phrase do you find to be incredibly annoying?
when people imitate Borat.

14. Leatherface is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide?
you can't fight leatherface, that's already been proven. i'd take the coward's way out and kill myself quickly. you're already fucked.

15. Do you feel that people underestimate you?
i think people almost always do.

18. Honestly, do you talk about Myspace in real life?
no, not at all.

19. Have you met someone online in person?
yes. chrissy for one, and this guy this past weekend (danny dejong).

20. When it comes to cybersex, are you game?
i've done it, yeah.

21. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
yeah, but then the standard of living would go up and fuck everyone else and myself after college. so no.

22. If someone at a bar gives you "the look" how do you respond to it?
nothing. she's probably looking at the guy behind me.

23. Desperation happens. Do you take advantage of desperate people?
no.

24. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing now.
probably passed out or hanging on those around me singing at the top of my lungs.

25. Sometimes people get depressed. Are you the one they turn to?
not really.

26. Describe your "style".
i don't think i have a style. which is probably worse than having a bad one. i need to get a style.

27. Describe your "type"
brunette, petite, funny, intelligent.

28. Love and Sex go together. Would you have sex if no love was involved?
no. well... i've turned it down before at least.

29. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
not at all. i'm the first to admit i'm a weird guy. i lie a lot, sometimes constantly. i also try to use humor when i'm uncomfortable.

30. What is something you're afraid of. (Be more creative than "Snakes")
of being insignificant. not ever finding a connection.

Past few days I've felt a bit out of it. Like I'm continuously coming down from a high and my brain is still fuzzy from it.

Steve left again late last night. It's like I don't even have a roommate anymore. It makes my place super lonely. I don't miss him. I miss the contact. I wish I could be content, but I'm totally craving friendship and people and connection. It makes me kind of realize how I don't have that many friends down here. A lot of acquaintances. A lot of people I'd fuck over if given an opportunity... but not many true friends.

I hate how when you're at a party and you're just feeling intensely philanthropic that you'll try to begin a conversation with someone, but she'll take it as a pass. But it's not. I wish I could say that, I just want to get to know you I'm not trying to fuck you... but that'd be strange and weird and you're not supposed to say that. But maybe that's just a line too.

Derek, Jared, and myself went to Taco Roco last night for mexican food. It was an all you can eat buffet so we stayed for two hours eating as much as we could, pooping in their bathroom, and then eating more. It was fulfilling.

I sat atop a hill under a birch tree. The ground was grassy and we sat on the fallen leaves, my car was down below under a streetlamp in the lot. I could see the lights from the university and the lights from the city and it was very beautiful. As we smoked some weed the lights became more intense and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. A little after twelve I txt'd hanna because it was her birthday.